The Theory of Hipster Relativity by Dustinland

If you ever heard someone say or tell you “I was using Twitter before it got popular,” or “Dude, I was like wearing thick rimmed glasses before Kid Cudi made them look cool,” chances are that person is someone who really has low-self esteem but tries to make up for it through social narcissism and an elitist choice of lifestyle. In simpler terms, that person is a hipster. Well, that’s not a nice thing to say but I will try and tell you why it came to that.

Hipster- a word that is so horribly vague that there is no way to pinpoint its meaning or origin. So I will be honest. This projection is only based from what I’m experiencing or more like discovering in my society of 20-somethings and over. I don’t know what the word specifically means or who it is supposed to define but through the shifting of pop-culture between the underground and mainstream, its connotation now is not good. To my understanding, I believe something terrible happened for the word hipster because it is now  branded with a certain stigma. At first, if you were a hipster, you were someone who was cool and unique. A person who brought innovative creativity that changed the way people think and do things for the better. Whether it was music, art, fashion or even politics. The hipsters were people who brought about inspiration in others.

Now, a hipster is someone who believes they are doing all those things but know too well that they are wearing a mask of fakerism and deceit. A hipster does things because it’s “cool” not understanding why or how the choice they made is essential to themselves. The hipster now is not genuine or sincere. The hipster wants to take credit for a movement they didn’t start but wants to highjack for their own personal gain. The hipster now wants all that is good to be drowned in his or her own delusions of confidence. The hipster is a douchebag.

So where did it all go wrong? Well like I said, it started with my social interactions and experiences- on the YouTube comment section of videos,  the parties I go to, and the things I hear. So there are no facts here but I’m making a plea that I hope you can identify with. Sometimes, I just feel like I’m surrounded by people who think they are better than others because they don’t share their same plane of “unique” tastes. Just because someone doesn’t  know what you know or doesn’t agree with you on a certain topic doesn’t give you the right to insult or belittle others. Here’s exactly what I mean:

I don’t know how skinny jeans for dudes became a trend but they did. To be honest, I like them and I even think they are fashionable. It’s 2011, and we’re transitioning from the baggy basketball jerseys of  ’02 to the H&M of body hugging button-up shirts. That’s cool. I have a lot of friends who make skinny jeans look good and more power to them. However, I will never wear them because  they look impractically tight and are clinically proven to be unhealthy for the scrotum. That’s been my thought out decision from day one. Another thing that I don’t like about skinny jeans are the assholes wearing them who think they are so irresistibly cool with swagger and superior to anyone who doesn’t wear them. I remember telling some guy at a party that I didn’t like skinny jeans because they weren’t my style. This guy looked at me  like as if I had insulted his mother. He replied “Seriously? That’s lame bro.” It was as if his crotch-hugging jeans were the foundation of his character and I had attacked it with my honest opinion. To me that’s your hipster. A person who places their sense of being into material things and activities. Desperately wanting to gain the approval of others through those things instead of who they are as a person.

One YouTube comment I highlighted from one user had the cynicism of a typical hipster all over it. “Toro Y Moi is such a great artist. He makes really good music and I’m glad a lot of  people don’t know much about him. The radio plays shitty music and I can’t stand people who think Kesha and Katy Perry are great artists. Those idiots don’t know anything lol.” I agree, Toro Y Moi is a great and upcoming techno artist but I don’t think it’s great that “a lot of people don’t know about him” because they should at least check him out if they like Electronica or techno music. I know I’d be happy if I heard him on the radio but his presence is mostly based online via music blogs and social media.

When I said I didn’t like dubstep and that it sounds distorted to me, some hipster douchebag told me “Man, you don’t know good techno. Dubstep is the greatest thing on earth but only few people know about it. You’re obviously not one of them.” But here’s one of most typical hipster statements I hate the most. “Man, I was way into Drake before you got on him with ‘Best I Ever Had.’ Y’all just bandwagon. Y’all don’t know about that Comeback Season when he was underground.”

Oh Wow! Do you want a freaking cookie? What credit are you possibly trying to claim? Yeah, you’re awesome and obviously a better human being because you heard this song three months before I did. I must be definitley wrong if I don’t agree with you on something that is totally relative to preference. My hat’s off to you for pointing that out and achieving  such an accomplishment. I don’t get it- because I don’t know what you know, listen to what you to listen to, dress like you or do what you do, I’m a loser? I’m an idiot? I’m not cool? I’m not up to your snobby standard of quality to pick out bands people have never heard of? It’s people like that who give the true hipsters a bad name.

First. I don’t get why people need to hold on these insignificant things about pop-culture to uplift themselves or justify whatever they do. It’s coming to downright narcissism. You say you were wearing plaid shorts before some  artist made it popular. Hmm… so how come when you started wearing plaid shorts that they didn’t become popular? Oh yeah, that’s right that artist made plaid shirts popular by marketing them under a brand name but you’re just jealous because you never made any money off plaid shorts. Don’t worry I get it.

So to all the “hipsters,” if you think wearing certain clothes or listening to “underground” music equates to some sense of individualism or higher being than others, you’re dead wrong.  That’s a dreaded misconception that has been placed within our society by ignorant people such as yourselves. The real hipsters do whatever they want  because it is simply  true to their nature. Their style, fashion and beliefs are genuine to them. They love what they do and will share what they have learned with others who aspire to do what they do. Real hipsters don’t need approval of others or go around begging others to follow them. They already have people who want to follow them out of their own will.

Your true hipsters are people like Madonna, who brought about the art of weird costumes and pleasantly strange music only for others like Lady Gaga to follow the same road or Barack Obama who heavily used social media to connect with and make use of younger vote to make history. (Okay, being black helped too)

But all that’s been destroyed by a young society of people that are so narcissistic and think they deserve credit for things they never created but are lucky to be a part of. Sadly, today’s hipsters will never realize that because they are too busy telling others how cool they are because of some obscure band they discovered on Pandora. This is why people hate hipsters.